We head to Sydney tomorrow to give ourselves an extra night so we aren't rushing on surgery day. It's only about a 3 hour drive (for those who aren't familiar) and my mum is coming up with us to help keep us distracted while Izzy is in surgery. They have told us it will be 5 hours....that already feels like a lifetime. I am trying to think of ways to get through the time and have brought every magazine in the store, downloaded movies (not sad ones!), I will take my MacBook and put together photobooks, email family and friends to let them know how she is getting on....still just doesn't quite seem enough.
Our happy girl
I am so scared to see Isabel when she comes out all bandaged up....I know we are doing the right thing and I know its and incredible gift, but I still am so sad and angry that she has to go through all of this at all. The initial feelings I had the day we found out Isabel was deaf have come flooding back and I find myself asking why this has happened to her?! Why couldn't I have stopped it and who is to blame? I know none of this is constructive, but I feel like I do need to mourn this finally as once we check out of that hospital we are on our new path and there are exciting times ahead.
I am also a little sad that she doesn't know what is coming. It absolutely is better that way so she is not scared, but I feel like I am keeping something from her as she smiles at me so sweetly and that when I have to hand her over to the doctors on Friday she wont understand why I am leaving her. Hoping these are all normal maternal feelings and that she will forgive me when I am there when she wakes up.
Ok well I just had to get all of these feelings out there.....better out than in and all that! Two sleeps to go.
M.x
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